It’s been so long since I’ve emerged from under the cozy rock of reality that I’ve been living under for the better part of this year. Periodically, I would peer out into the light to catch Marc’s sympathetic gaze nearly enticing me back to the fold before Nick’s violent, harsh, scathing chastising would send me hurling back down towards the dark. But can I lay some truth on y’all? Y’all’s been winning too much and you need a loser in your midst to bring the median down to acceptable levels or whatever.
Before you go pooping your collective pants with thoughts of telling me how wrong I am with opinions of Khadoran tactics or list production or what game we’re suppose to be playing let me say that my return to WM is a veritable toe to frigid waters at best. BUT…
… to encourage said return thus facilitating a raging hard-on in Marc’s camp, let me drop a gift for a lucky, amazing person who’s been devoted enough to grace us with their presence during our Twitch streams: a one-of-a-kind portrait of their favourite caster/solo. Sure we’ll have to figure out a raffle system but isn’t this the age of technology and integration? I’m confident that in the next few days wires will drape out of my skull to some sort of battery pack feeding information to the NSA about Pokemon thus allowing the Clintons to capture them all and welcome a new age of slavery and sorcery. In addition to that stay tuned in the next few weeks for a meticulously crafted winter board complete with custom control zones, objectives and terrain!
This was my last battle with Khador for a while not counting Adepticon. After that sweaty weekend I foresee being completely sick of Khador, if not all of Warmachine, and also the horror of meeting new people and being nice to them instead of pointing out their various physical flaws.
(Marc: I sincerely hope Aaron sticks with WarMachine post-Adepticon… he’s definitely the soul of our podcast! Or possibly the spleen… almost as important! Some weird audio issues with the podcast this week… hopefully all corrected, but the recording is a bit below our usual quality as a result. Sounds kinda “washed out”. Anyway, I’ll see about fixing it later, but for now, hopefully you can enjoy it anyway!)
Seriously. Facebook is so entrenched in our vernacular that the program recognizes it as a word yet typing podcast deeply confuses it. This is why I have no fear of the Matrix ever happening. If a simple blog – blog also isn’t recognized, by the way – gets perplexed by words that have been around for years then there is no conceivable way towers of human batteries are in our future.
It just occurred to me now that every time a person got pregnant, the robots would have to build a new pod for that person to go into or at least have a vacant one for the new person to occupy. Because birthrates outweigh death rates, the robots would have to keep building new ones. I’m sure that would get really aggravating for the robot management. They’d be like, “Man, these humans would be a lot less of a strain on our raw materials and construction if they could just stop fucking.”
So since – I don’t know… the spring? – I’ve been working on the Skorne colossal, the Mammoth. If any of you out there are considering playing or already play Skorne and have thoughts of picking up the Mammoth, may I suggest these very simple steps for painting it: 1) immediately regret it. 2) cry. 3) more regret. It’s not that the model is bad or poorly sculpted, in this particular instance I offered to paint the model; one which I could not actually play as it’s a different faction. The owner of said Mammoth, the infamous Kassem, even offered to pay for the paint which I would use but I refused; a decision I would later realise was the only thing that would have kept me in the green.
I liken painting the Mammoth to offering to take a cursed monkey’s hand off a friend: they would obviously agree but when they try to explain the curse, you dismiss them waving your hand saying, “Yeah, yeah, yeah I know what a cursed monkey’s hand is.” But oh no. No you don’t. Not yet.
This week’s report was without Nick, but since it was between Aaron’s Khador and Adam’s Cryx, he basically would just basically make snarky comments all podcast…
Actually, that’s what he does most of the time. Hmmm.
Also in this week’s podcast, Adam outlines the “Fundamental Tactic of Cryx”, Aaron is reminded about how awful “Creeping Barage” is (seriously… POW6!? Useful against, what, exactly, besides Kayazy Assassins!?), and Marc keeps everything moving at a healthy clip to avoid his laptop running out of batteries and all of our work being wasted! Fun!
This week was a game against Khador and Skorne. I only took a bunch of pictures and I wasn’t recording the play-by-play. Marc told me to and I didn’t. *shrugging* I don’t know what you want me to say. You come into my house, ask me politely to record the game for the podcast, I agree then refrain from doing it because the game starts going badly and I’m to blame? No. Not on my watch. This is entirely Marc’s fault. He clearly said beforehand “we’ll play the games and whichever one is better, we’ll use.” This was witnessed by three other people and two cats. I had the veteran experience to see that my game was going badly and therefore gave up, allowing Marc to move ahead into the winners circle of games-being-played-that-night-to-use-on-the-next-podcast.
For this week’s battle report, we have something very special: our newest Mercenary Co-host, Darrell (Menoth Darrell on the PP Forums) has volunteered to do the write up! And us, being the lazy slobs we are, let him!
Also in this week’s podcast, Nick gets very, very drunk (thankfully mostly amusing drunk!), Aaron manages not to leave midway through the podcast to urinate for the first time in a month, and Darrell is a perfect gentleman who records while taking care of his 1-year-old lesser warbeast.
So I got a whole crap ton of Convergence stuff for cheap – some from a guy on Kijiji, some from a store closing and some from a Gypsy who gave it to me for free in exchange for my mortal soul but joke’s on her, I already sold it for a Klondike Bar – and that was the first time I ate a whole large Blizzard from Dairy Queen. Wait… what was I talking about? Shit. Okay. I had this great idea to once again change paint styles thereby differentiating between two factions and a new one… so don’t know how to end that sentence either.
I’m a big fan of the Borderland’s games. For example, when Nick – Nick of this very podcast fame, friends since childhood – introduced it to me, we played it for 10 hours straight. Later we played it for a few hours gay but being so fabulous is exhausting so we switched back. In Borderlands there are several gun manufacturers such as Tediore, Daul, Hyperion and each have there own colour scheme. One of them is called Maliwan (“Get a Maliwan and light some people on fire!” – Marcus) which uses a great scheme of dark blue, dark gray, orange and white which looks amazing. I decided that it would look great on my newly acquired Convergence models.
Good. God. Or as Marc might say, “Oh my Gods.” He’s a little indecisive when it comes to choosing a deity so to be safe he gives them all props. Does this list of Gods include the Flying Spaghetti Monster? We may never know and I’ll forget to ask him but I think it probably does.
(Marc: Yes. Yes it does. And Thor, Om, Crom, Cthulu, and Urd, for those curious, as well as numerous others)
As I was about to say, this game went on for way too long and really cut into my sleep schedule. We had gotten into the good habit of only playing timed games to avoid situations exactly like this one and then at some point someone decided, “Hey, I’ve gotten pretty quick at playing my turns so I don’t need to use a timer!” We’re all captains of our own destinies, I get that and what can we learn about life, nay, ourselves if we don’t make mistakes? Though if the mistake you make is walking through a fireworks warehouse with a lit cigarette you won’t reap the benefits of the lesson; the people who clean up your pieces will.
So reap what we sowed, dear readers/listeners. Whether you’re playing Deathclock or timed turns, always use a timer lest you end up like us: tired.
(Marc: A quick warning about this week’s podcast: it weighs in around an hour and a half after some pretty substantial editing. But it’s not short! On the plus side, you get to hear Aaron disobey a direct order not to urinate, listen to Nick while belligerent and drunk, and find out which one of us claims to be the same as Picasso!)